Eubonics, please?

Yesterday I helped a young black man move some furniture across town as a favor. On the way to our destination, I decided to engage in some very small talk like, "The drivers are terrible here." He didn't respond. So I glanced over at his face and it seemed like my small talk wasn't registering with him. In other words, he wasn't getting it. I know this look from my travels in other countries. The only problem is this is America and he's American! I'm thinking, "Houston, we're having a problem! Houston, we're having a problem!"

So, I raise the talk to a higher level (second grade!) and he's still not getting it. Now, I'm thinking that I'm talking with the "Valedictorian" of the Clark County School District except for one small problem--he still doesn't understand!

Now, almost all of my options are up. Somehow I have to communicate with this guy to get across town because I'm not sure exactly where we're going. I might have to resort to him using hand signals. (A gorilla might understand hand signals, but I have doubts about this guy. This guy might have chess grandmaster potential. You never know.)

Then a "light bulb flashes" in my mind. I think, "I bet he understands Eubonics." What have I got to lose so I give it a shot. I start talking, "Yo Homey." (and his face starts perking up--it's as if a medical miracle is occurring such as a patient immediately recovering from brain stroke.) I continue talking, "Yo homes, show me where this joint is. Caus yo man, if we don't drop this load, white lady gonna charge extra doe. Yo, you know what I'm talking about...white people gonna try and keep a brother down. You know what I'm talking about...sheeeit!" He replied, "Yea, you right. White beotch thinks she can keep uh brudda down, but I gots uh surprise fo' her. slap mah fro!"

Thanks to my command of eubonics I was able to make it to the location on time. I highly recommend that everyone learn this wonderful, enriching language as soon it will become essential to have a good command of this language to get hired.

If you're just starting out, here's eubonics translator: (It might come in handy if you get lost.)



Good luck in learning this enriching, scientific, and loving language!

Final note: I suggest we raise requirement for high school graduation as being. "All native born Americans should understand a few words of English or Spanish." I might pass this to Governor Gibbons so he can have more items to veto!

Until next tyme, bye with muh beeotch!

Paul